When two souls come together, it’s very seldom that there are no challenges, and even less likely that destiny will erase them, and even more remote is that they will ride off into the sunset happily ever after – even IF they are soul mates, share a past life connection, or are life partners.
Now, I love a good fairy tale as much as anyone else, but it’s time for some clarity. Ready? OK, here it goes.
Soul mates are not born in Hollywood, nor of of sexual ecstasy or chemistry. They are souls.
Where do souls come from? Look up in the night sky. See those stars? That’s right, that’s where souls come from. Souls are stars that come to earth, have an experience and return to the cosmos.
Have you ever noticed that stars form clusters? And if so, have you also noticed that those clusters seem to shine equally as bright as they travel across the sky? Well, there’s a similarity between the behavior of stars and the behavior of human souls here on earth. That similarity is that human souls seek to find others with whom they can shine and travel.
Wouldn’t it be grand if it were all so simple to find, though?
Call in the trumpets, because here comes the human Ego! Yes! That creature that loves to feel important, extraordinarily special, and needed. It’s OK. You can giggle here. I am. The ego is that layer of the human psyche that can so easily create fantasies, fairy tales and illusions about love that it will insist that soul mate, past life, and life partner connections exist when they don’t. For instance, if you’ve ever accepted emotional abuse or suffered through unrequited love, or held on to a dissatisfying relationship because you insist that the other was your soul mate, then that was your ego, and not your soul that was in charge. The ego looks for ways to justify itself and it can’t stand to be wrong. The soul wants to shine, but it can’t when the ego is overbearing. Listening?
Every time I hear someone ask whether the lover who is abusing them or their love is a soul mate, or if they are destined to be together, or if they have a past life connection -- I want to yank my hair out with my bear hands follicle by follicle.
Worse yet is when someone speaks and behaves as if they were sent to earth in order to save a lover from his/her demons. Dear Jesus, please come fix it! None of us was put here to save anyone but ourselves.
When two souls originate from a similar cluster of stars, they are “soul mates.”
Like magnets, soul mates are drawn to each other. Not because of physical attraction or sexual chemistry, but because they vibrate on deeply similar intellectual and moral wavelengths. There is a deep sense of familiarity they experience because they share a similar source, like twins. Make sense so far?
Alright, on to past life connections. There has been so much misinformation spread about past lives, it’s somewhat daunting to try and sort it out, but here goes it.
Because human existence partakes in the same cycles of seasonality where there is fallow, renewal and rebirth the soul mate connection is the same as the past life connection. Just as the soul is timeless, soul mate connections and past life connections are timeless. Souls come together and find each other across time, and there is no way to tell how many “times” they have reunited while on the earthly plane, and there is no need to know anyway, is there? The point is that the souls found each other, and in the finding of each other on earth, they can remember from whence they came.
Take a deep breath because here comes the next point:
Soul mates are not the same as life partners, and very seldom do soul mates marry. Why, you may ask? Well, that’s because the soul comes into physical existence to evolve and grow. You’ve heard of the saying “no pain, no gain” right? That’s the rub. It is through pain and the resolution of pain that we grow and evolve emotionally and spiritually. It is through pain that we get in touch with the soul. It is through soul mate connection that we remember who we are and where we come from. Life partners are those we choose to go through the life experience with, and typically, they are partners that provide us with the necessary stability to pursue our life purpose. The life partner provides us with companionship and support as we fulfill our life mission. The life partner is the one to be at our side as we experience and participate in spiritual growth; it is a catalyst and a supporter of our growth. The life partner may not stay with us an entire lifetime, but he/she stays with us until we have grown and fulfilled essential parts of our purpose. Importantly, the relationship is mutually beneficial; we are as much to the life partner as they are to us. In this union, there may not be heavy chemistry and excitement, but that’s because it’s reason for being is to provide stability, not intensity. The reason for the soul mate is to provide us with a connection that ignites a memory of who we are and where we come from. The life partner is our source of stability and companionship that we rely on as we go through our process of becoming who we are to become.
Exhausted yet? There’s more.
Destiny plays a very small role in love. What destiny does is bring us together. The rest is determined by the choices we make. Destiny provides opportunities, not results. Though it would be nice if we didn’t have to make choices, wouldn’t it? Well, we do have to make choices, and that means we have to accept responsibility for the destiny, or the destination that those choices result in. As tempting as it may be to think that we’re destined or meant to be with a certain person, that is not entirely true. Here’s how it works: Destiny brings people into our lives. Some of them will stay longer than others depending on the length of time it takes for us to create and learn certain lessons from them. (Yes, we create our own lessons, which result from the decisions we make; we are not victims of destiny, we shape it through decision-making.) Some lessons are delivered quickly and with a painful sting. Some take long hard effort and come with prolonged agony. The key is to recognize the lesson for what it is, accept it when it comes, and then begin to master it.
We are here to grow and heal, remember? Soul mates can enhance our growth, but they cannot motivate it. Only pain motivates growth, not pleasure.
Ah! And that brings us to the human favorite: Pleasure! Yes, pleasure is what most of us seek, is it not? And lust certainly can be very pleasurable, intoxicating, and even addictive. Sexual chemistry can be indescribably magical in its pleasure, and sexual attraction can be heavenly to the eyes and physical senses. Most of will have the experience of deep infatuation with pleasure, which we will confuse for love, and worse yet, a soul mate connection. The truth is that sexual chemistry, lust, and pleasure are an effect of soul mate connection, not the cause of it. True love is about sharing, not about our own pleasure.
Hope you’re not exhausted yet. There’s more:
Just like there are clusters of stars, we have more than one soul mate. Whether we meet more than one, or one at all during our lifetime is the result of the decisions we make and how we conduct our search for love and soul mate connection. Many of us will search for connection based on a feeling of deprivation, where we feel lonely and unfulfilled. We will search for others who are also feeling lonely and unfulfilled. Guess what? That’s right, the soul never feels that way, nor does it want us to feel that way. Why would it? It wants us to connect and feel the presence of its love. It wants to drive us toward the expression of deeper self-love, value and worth. No one can give those things to us, we have to come to know that we have all of those things within . . . just waiting to be discovered. And the soul awaits. In our search, for instance, we may seek out others we identify with in terms of life experience, economic status, physical appetites, and personal tastes. While those things lend themselves to compatibility, they do not provide the basis upon which two souls reunite (the soul is not the ego or the personality, remember?) Now you may ask, “Well, how do soulmates find each other?” Great question.
Soulmates often find each other later in life, when the life partner has already appeared, and when the intellect and moral life of the individual has reached a certain level of maturity. Yes, the cruel irony of the universe, you might be saying. Notice that I said the soulmate often appears after the life partner? That’s correct. And it’s because the life partner’s presence in our life drove us toward realizing our life purpose and mission. Once we came into greater awareness of what that purpose and mission was, the soulmate appeared. That’s how it works. So, if you want to find your soulmate, begin by getting in touch with your life purpose. He or she is there in that environment of souls working toward helping humanity evolve to higher levels of moral and spiritual consciousness.
Take a deep breath with me now. We’ve covered a lot of ground, but here’s the last and final piece.
Love is a beautiful thing, and the joy that it lends to life is incomparable. But romantic love is only one expression of the many facets of love, and whenever we close ourselves off to those many facets, we limit our ability to find a soulmate connection, and to truly live life to its fullest. In life we will have many lovers, who will come and go and teach us many lessons about ourselves, love and life. Some of them we will insist that we will never forget. That may be true, but the love we have for them will eventually change and transform; it will go back into the heavens to be recycled into something higher that benefits humanity. If you have found yourself suffering through loss of love, disappointment in love, or loneliness -- take that as a blessing. It means that your own soul loves you enough to want to make sure you don’t ignore it your entire lifetime. It means that it is guiding you towards a more fulfilling, lasting, and meaningful expression of love -- beginning with yourself. When you begin the process of loving yourself, expressing your purpose, and expanding your love to encompass all of humanity, your soul mate or mates will appear. Until then, enjoy the lessons that lovers and love bring to your life, and don’t allow the pains and sorrows of love rob you of the opportunity to experience the bliss of loving yourself and being in love with your own soul.