We blamed ourselves, we felt unworthy, we asked why?
Yes, that’s the rollercoaster ride called romance, and living in a world of diminishing empathy and increasing selfishness, things are certainly bound to get worse before they get better.
So, how do we equip ourselves with the tools to navigate through this rocky terrain and avoid the emotional rollercoaster ride of hope and disappointment in romance?
We approach each interaction from a grounded and practical expression our authentic selves from the outset, that’s how.
Now, throw away those rose colored goggles for once and for all, OK?
I’m sure you’ve come across dating tips and romantic advice through social media and other forms of mass communication, but what I’m going to ask is that your follow me on a journey of self-exploration and reflection, so that by the end of this piece you will feel empowered and prepared to change the tenor of your romantic experiences for the better.
Ready? OK. I’ll begin here with three main pointers, or “best practices”:
- No Assumptions: How many times have you been in a romantic or pre-dating situation where you assumed that if you gave more you would get more, especially if you felt the other becoming distant? I know, I’ve read about the Law of Attraction, but it’s not entirely true, so put it on the shelf for sometime in the distant future. When we give too much of ourselves, and especially too quickly or too freely, we lose mystery, and people LOVE mystery. Our attention isn’t valuable if we just give it away. No assumptions! Romance can’t flourish if we’re trying to coerce it along by misusing our attention and generosity.
- Set Standards: Do you know what you will accept and what you won’t? If you don’t have standards, you can’t teach others how to treat you. Create a template of standards for yourself. Make one column showing what you expect, the next showing what you would compromise on, and the next showing what is totally unacceptable (your deal-breakers.) Become very familiar with that template and stay true to it!
- Be Honest: If you are looking for a long-term relationship, say so, and say it up front. If the other person is intimidated by your true desires, then let them go. No harm done. Plus, it will keep you from being deceptive with them and yourself about your feelings and manipulative with your actions. You don’t want game players, so don’t be one!
When we are grounded, we act from a place of self-worth, integrity and confidence—all of which help to ensure rewarding experiences in romance, dating and love relationships—false assumptions, lack of standards, and emotional dishonesty set us up for disappointment. When we are confident, we create. When we are fearful, we destroy.
And we want to create, right? We want to establish a meaningful connection, yes?
Listen, there will always be the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing, and the only way to tell if you’ve attracted one of those into your universe is to be steady, patient and diligent in getting to know others.
I always say that romance is like a piece of fragile glass; it can shatter easily and be totally destroyed by the slightest mishandling. But, what we can do to ensure the best possible outcome is to remember that true connection begins in the mind and intellect at the higher levels of being. So, don’t sabotage yourself by working against the laws of gravity by jumping into the sack too quickly! Rather, begin each connection at the crown chakra and slowly work downward to the root and sexual chakras.
Attempting to form a connection in the reverse order is the same as working against the laws of gravity: Impossible!!
Being practical means keeping your assumptions in check, your standards high, and your honesty consistent. If people come and go while you’re testing these new “best practices,” don’t be discouraged. It just means that you’re in the process of manifesting a higher and more satisfactory cast of characters and on your stage.
Let me know how it goes! And in the meantime, put on a fresh face and sit back and watch how your romantic life begins to flourish!
In Light & Love,